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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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My son tied his first tie today.
I looked at him and told him "Knot bad son."
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Previous Dates
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Why did the farmer win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field.
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0
Educated people are hot
because they've got more degrees.
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1
How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?
You cut the ends and now you have endless bread.
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0
When my wife was still pregnant I used to say
that our baby was in his one womb apartment.
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0
What is the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job?
One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
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I find bone puns very
Humerus
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1
My wife asked me if I thought our kids were spoiled
I said "No, I think all kids smell like that"
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Of all my body parts, my fingers are the most reliable.
I can always count on them.
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A new study found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet
I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either
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What do you say to a giant with his head in the clouds.
Hi.
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Why does the Little Mermaid wear seashells?
Because B-shells are too small, and D-shells are too big.
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-1
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
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0
What do you call a short mexican?
A paragraph, because hes too short to be an esse
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A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop says, "Can I get your bags for you?"
"No need, good sir," replies the photon. "I'm traveling light."
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I love going outdoors...
It's much safer than going outwindows.
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I can’t believe that even after 15 years of the show ending, people are still making “Friends” references.
No one told me life was gonna be this way.
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Puns leave me numb.
Mathematical puns leave me number.
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Soccer striker: I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself.
Manager: I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss.
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Why couldn't the astronaut land on the moon?
Because it was full.
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Why did the wolf meditate?
To become aware wolf!
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A man I know brings cheese from home to put on his fast food burgers instead of paying extra.
He's a pretty Krafty guy.
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What's the difference between a baseball hitter and a skydiver?
The baseball player goes "smack!...ARGH!" A skydiver goes "ARGH!...smack!"
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0
Did you hear about the twins who got an apartment together?
Before they were roommates they were wombmates.
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3
If I had to rate our solar system
I'd give it 1 star
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What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?
Guacawakamole.
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0
Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,
like everyone else."
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1
I can't stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
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0
Kid: Dad, can you teach me how to play chess?
Dad: Sure, let me pick up a board at the pawn shop.
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How do billboards communicate?
Sign language
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My girlfriend just asked me what state was below Tennessee...
Nine-esse
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Joke of the Day
My son tied his first tie today.
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