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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
I consoled her. She was crying.
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Previous Dates
0
As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.
The plot thickens.
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0
Where do naughty rainbows go?
Prism.
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2
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends. So she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face, when they all disagreed.
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What did the painter do when it got cold...
He put on another coat
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12
What do you call a funny jar of mayonnaise?
LMAYO
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0
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
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0
How do you offer a dinosaur something to drink?
Tea, Rex?
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Doctor: I'm sorry sir, but you have colon cancer...
Me: No: I don:t believe you:
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What do you call a funky car?
A mustang.
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0
What do you call when you have your grandmother on speed dial?
Insta gram
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0
I would like to thank my hands.
I can always count on you.
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Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?
Air bee and bee.
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Unfortunately, my obese parrot just died.
It is, however, a huge weight off my shoulders
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0
There was a robbery at the Apple store.
The police are rounding up iWitnesses.
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0
What do you call a fake noodle?
An Impasta.
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A guy tried to sell me a mirror but I knew it was a scam.
I could see right through it.
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Why did the coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
Dr. Dre.
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Why was the calendar depressed?
Because it’s days were numbered!
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My GF left me once I stopped taking her to seafood restaurants
Turns out she was only with me for my mussels
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What did the bra say to the hat?
You go on a head, I gotta give these two a lift!
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0
How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
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0
Why did the mexican gang fail?
It only had Juan member
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0
The strangest part about picking out a name for your child is
realizing how many people you hate.
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Why do bees hum?
They don't know the words.
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0
My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?
They give him good case ideas.
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My buddy said 'There's only one thing about Halloween that scares me.' I asked, 'Which is?'
'Exactly', he replied.
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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
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-1
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
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3
What animal makes buildings?
Boa constructor
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Joke of the Day
I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..
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