The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

Previous Dates

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Which cult is the toughest?

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As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

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What do you call a deer with no eyes?

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What did the bear say when he called customer service?

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What language do geese speak?

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I’m always right...

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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."

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Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

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Where does seaweed look to find a job?

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What did the traffic light say to the car?

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Why does Sherlock Holmes love Mexican restaurants?

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How do you call the smartest mountain?

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Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.

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A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from her vegetarian resturaunt.

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I don't know why marvel hasn't tried to put ads on hulk

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What do you call a group of whales playing instruments?

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Why did Superman flush the toilet?

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Did you hear about the sick Italian chef?

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What do you call a straight line of bunnies hopping backwards?

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What did fridge say when asked 'any hot drinks?'?

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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..

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What rhymes with orange?

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Light travels faster than sound.

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When does Floyd like to go to the beach?

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What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?

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I've been looking for some new hunting gear.

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My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"

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I finally decided to dispose of my broken tripod

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I used to work at a calendar factory,

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I don't really care about Mr. Cone's opinion

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Shredded cheese was a great invention.