What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
Dad: when I was your age I ran a maratho. Son: you mean marathon.
Dad: no I didn’t finish it.
What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?
About half way...
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type
As he died, he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.