My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...
I'm the main stake holder.
Guys, I have been thinking about selling my Theremin.
I haven't touched it in years.
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list...
Now I can't read anything.
The school phoned me today and said, "Your son's has been telling lies. "
I replied, "Tell him, he's bloody good. I don't have any kids."