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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
4
Why don’t blind people skydive?
It scares the hell out of their guide dogs.
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Previous Dates
1
Why should you never trust a train?
They have loco motives.
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0
How do knights communicate?
They use chain mail.
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0
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A Roman Catholic!
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0
Give ‘em the punchline first!
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
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0
I for one
love Roman numerals
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0
I took a poll the other day.
Turns out 100% of people get angry when their tents fall down.
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0
If I dont perfect human cloning..
I won't be able to live with myself.
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0
Have you ever seen a picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved?
It’s beauty was unpresidented.
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0
Where do single cats advertise for a date?
The purr-sonal ads.
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0
Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins?
You just have to listen varicosely.
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0
I’ve just won a few hands in poker.
Some people really will gamble anything.
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0
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
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1
Why did the Muffin go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.
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0
Wanna hear something breathtaking
Asthma
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0
I don't trust these trees
They seem kind of shady
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0
I used to be indecisive
But now I'm not so sure
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0
I once knew a guy who was afraid of milk.
He was quite the coward.
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0
What do you call a girl that breaks up with you via Instagram?
A DMX
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1
When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I’m homeless.
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0
I really enjoy my job as a claymation model designer
I make six figures a year
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0
What’s it called when you kill chickpeas?
Hummuside
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3
I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...
Apparently, the correct term is conjoined twins...
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0
If you are out in the forest all by yourself and a bear charges you, what should you do?
Pay him immediately!
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0
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause
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0
Why can't dogs play video games?
When they do, its always on paws.
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0
The future,the present and the past walked into a bar.
Things got a little tense.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Mozart. Mozart who?
Mozart is found in museums.
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2
When you die, what part of the body dies last?
The pupils… they dilate.
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0
No one: literally no one:
0,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,0
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0
What did the bystander say to the abusive farmer?
Stop beating your meat!
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0
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and Julius Caesar walk into a bar.
He came, he saw, he conquered.
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Why don’t blind people skydive?
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