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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
My clock broke.
It ticks me off
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Previous Dates
1
Irony.
The opposite of wrinkly.
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0
Why was the math teacher late to work?
She took the rhombus.
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0
An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance
so I pushed her over.
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0
Why was the cow so aggressive?
It was in a bad mood.
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0
Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.
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I saw my nephew after a long time, and said “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last!”
He said, “No. I still have two.”
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1
What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
One requires tweetment and the other requires oinkment.
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6
What do I do if I need some info about Alaska?
Alaska question
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0
My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.
He really gets a kick out of it.
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0
I was going to tell the story about my broken pencil.
But there was no point!
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0
Why don't English rugby players get vaccinated before touring?
They never catch anything.
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7
I had a Wookie burger at a Star Wars cafe
It was a bit Chewie
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0
Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
“OH MY GOD, A BUS!!!!!”
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6
What's the difference between a guitar, a fish, and glue?
You can tune a guitar, but you can't tuna fish!
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0
Why did the golfer change his pants?
Because he got a hole in one!
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0
I'm a 50-year old with the body of a 35-year old
I really need to get rid of it before the cops find me!
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0
Why is honey good for you?
It’s full of Bee vitamins.
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0
When I was a single man, I had a lot of free time.
Now that I listen to full albums, I hardly leave the house.
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0
If you had a bisexual son, wouldn't he just be called a...
... bison
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0
I changed my iPod name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.
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0
On the anniversary of his birth, devotees of a certain yogi asked what gifts they might bring.
The yogi replied, 'I wish for no gifts, only presence."
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My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.
But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
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0
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
It's big red flag
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1
What do you call a bee trying to make up its mind?
A maybe
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1
My wife and I share the same sense of humour.
We have to....She doesn't have one.
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0
I think i might be addicted to dough,
I don't just want it, I knead it.
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1
I have joke about left-handers.
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
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1
Why is the ocean salty?
Because the land never waves back
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0
What do you call a tea that looks really good?
A hottie
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0
Dad : “I need to call the doctor today.” Mom : “Which doctor?”
Dad : “No, the regular kind.”
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I connot belive that bacteria would just come in my body without my permision
It makes me sick
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Joke of the Day
My clock broke.
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