The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

-1

My son told me, “Dad, I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes, and now it burns.”

Previous Dates

0

What do you call a guy who brings your daughter home late?

0

A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.

4

My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.

0

Don’t stare at a glass of water.

0

I gave a PS5 to my girlfriend..

0

Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?

0

I ate a clock last week.

0

I really hate the direction my country is moving...

0

Why are skeletons so calm?

0

Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?

0

Give a man a plane ticket, he'll fly for a day.

0

Golf pro: Now I want you to go through the motions without actually hitting the ball.

0

What does a panda fry its bamboo in?

0

What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?

0

Why haven’t aliens visited us yet?

-1

Many people have decent hand-eye coordination.

1

How did the whale defend itself?

0

Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.

0

What color do cats like best?

0

What do you call it when you go back for another helping of ice cream?

0

Not to brag, but I beat the state chess champion in less than 5 moves.

0

Why was the Genie angry?

-1

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

0

How can you tell an ant’s gender?

1

My daughter was playing with my computer and she broke the R button and tried to eat it.

0

If number 666 is evil

0

Why was the Argentine man shaky?

0

What do you call ghost poop?

1

I accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles.

0

What does a 6'5" butcher weigh?

1

How do you feed 1000 people with one loaf of bread?