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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
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Previous Dates
0
Justice is a dish best served cold,
if it were served warm it would be justwater.
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-1
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during his root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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0
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave
are they out for delivery?
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0
What Do You Call A Cheap Circumcision?
A Rip-Off
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1
I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.
[removed]
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2
How do short people cut their pizza?
With Little Caesar’s
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0
My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
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0
I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”
“Sure,” he said. “60.”
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1
I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.
There is no Cure.
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0
What begins with “f” and ends in “uck”
Wrong, what begins with “w” and ends in “hat”
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0
I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
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0
I met some aliens from outer space.
They were pretty down to earth.
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0
Wanna hear a dirty joke?
A white horse in a mud puddle.
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0
Being a cardiac surgeon...
Would be a heart wrenching experience.
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1
Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”
Push and Pull.
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0
My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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0
Why can't you play basketball with pigs?
They're ball hogs!
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0
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
An eyesaur.
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0
I'm going to have my spine removed
All it does is hold me back
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2
There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.
I forget the other two.
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0
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
He was dead.
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1
I went to buy camouflage pants,
but I couldn't find any.
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0
Why did Waldo wear stripes?
Because he did not want to be spotted
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1
Why did the cat run away from the tree?
Because of its bark
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0
I used to be indecisive
But now I'm not so sure
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0
I entered a horse themed costume contest dressed up as an elephant
I won despite the many neigh sayers
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0
Why does the ocean roar?
You would too if you had crabs on your bottom.
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-2
A midget stumbles out of the bar...
He was a little drunk.
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0
What does a turtle do on their birthday?
They shellabrate
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0
What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm in your apple.
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0
When's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty
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Joke of the Day
Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
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