I cannot eat shrimp, lobsters and clams that have been cooked by heated water vapor.
I have shellfish steamed issues.
Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
Before my operation, my doctor gave me the option to be knocked out with gas or a boat paddle.
It was an ether/oar situation.
My brother and I laugh at how competitive we were as kids.
But I laugh more.
The world champion tounge twister got arrested the other day
I heard they're going to give him a tough sentence
I had to give up on my idea to create a miniature flamethrower
It was burning a hole in my pocket
My wife just said that in order for our marriage to work, we both need to make sacrifices.
I’m thinking of choosing a goat.
We all know the show was called Spongebob Squarepants
But the star was Patrick
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...
Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out.