I’m so bored that I just memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
I work for the world's biggest nanotechnology company.
We're not very good.
After a heated argument, my kid shouted “Jim Morrison was overrated”
What did I say about slamming The Doors?
Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?
Because he's always a little fishy.
I dropped an egg onto a concrete floor and it didn't break.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
I took my new gun to the range to try it out, but somehow it won’t work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
Patient: Doctor,, my hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?
Doctor: What about a shoebox?
When debating letters, you always want "i" and "j" on your team.
They always have a point.