What are the four worst words you can hear on a golf course?
"It's still your turn."
Dad: what do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
I stand corrected
Two atoms are walking down the street and bump into each other
-Are you ok? -I think I lost an electron -Are you sure? -I’m positive!
My son was crying today because he spilled his scrambled eggs all over his art supplies.
He was having an eggs and stencils crisis.
Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me
He can now ride a bike without training wheels
If Jesus was the Lamb of God and Mary gave birth to Jesus..
..Then Mary had a little Lamb.
Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?
Because they are extinct.
Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?
He kept throwing away all the candies that had W's on them.
I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.
First thing he did when I got him home was make a bolt for the door.