The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

0

Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

Previous Dates

0

My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”

4

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

0

My wife and I have decided we don't want kids.

1

What is the opposite of a croissant?

0

My flat-earther friend started walking to the edge of the earth to prove that the earth is flat.

0

What makes more noise than a T-rex?

1

To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...

0

Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

0

What is the hardest part about sky diving?

0

What do you call a group of baby soldiers?

0

Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.

1

They'll never win a war on drugs.

0

These jokes about boomerangs are really getting out of hand...

0

The only time I get called "Sir" is when I'm in trouble.

1

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?

0

Doctor: I'm afraid your DNA is backwards, sir.

0

A Mexican magician said that he could disappear on the count of three. He started "unos, dos.."

0

My son tied his first tie today.

0

What do you called a sad coffee?

0

If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..

0

My dad wanted me to become a fruit farmer like him but I always told him I was scared to do it.

0

What's the difference between "comma" and "coma"?

0

How did the T-rex feel after his workout?

1

A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

1

Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

2

I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.

1

How do you make holy water?

1

Vegetarian is an old Indian word.

0

I gave all my dead batteries away today…

0

My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

0

Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good