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Yesterday I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with her personal trainer
I told her, "This isn't working out"
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My wife asked me if I thought our kids were spoiled
I said "No, I think all kids smell like that"
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My wife got me an alarm clock out of the blue.
I was alarmed.
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Four years ago today, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today, I asked her to marry me.
She said no both times.
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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