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My dad always said, “ Find a girl with an embarrassing tattoo and try to convince her to marry you.”
“She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them.”
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I couldn’t decide on how much lettuce to buy, until my wife helped me think it through.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
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I want my favorite team to be my pallbearers
so that they can let me down one last time.
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I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
Oh well, hind sight is 1.
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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about
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