The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I don't trust these trees

Previous Dates

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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?

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What's the cheapest meat?

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What do you tell Simba when he's moving too slow?

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A magician was driving down the street.

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I said it once and I'll say it again

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"Hey dad, I'm taking a shower"

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If you bury someone in the wrong place,

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Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

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My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.

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Why are skeletons so calm?

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What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?

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What did the hippie tell his friend who said he couldn't stay on his couch anymore?

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What is black and white and red all over?

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I've been accused of plagiarism

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What did 0 say to 8?

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I had a friend who always said...

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Time flies like an arrow.

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Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?

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Last night, I had a dream that I was a muffler.

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Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,

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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.

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I took a poll the other day.

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What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

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Recently I was told that I'm color blind.

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I hired a landscape gardener...

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I told my boss that three companies were after me, and I needed a raise to stay at my current job.

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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?

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I hate those people who knock on your door and tell you you need to get "saved" or you'll "burn"..

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How much does it cost to go to Hogwarts?

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What do you get when you cross the Atlantic on the Titanic?

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What did the bowling pins do when they were mad?