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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
Father: If you'd clean your room, you'd know where to find things!
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Previous Dates
2
Someone who likes playing racing games online is..
an eraser.
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Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.
I've officially hit rock bottom.
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1
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
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It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,
He just didn’t have the balls to do it.
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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?
Because they are extinct.
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1
Two psychiatrists pass each other on the street.
"You are fine. How am I?"
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I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.
I was heavily charged, despite my victims saying it was an overall positive experience.
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2
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?
Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.
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Why do most married men die before their wives?
Because they want to.
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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.
I was like well damn.
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I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.
It's not my fault that they didn't have Windows.
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My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.
It was ironic, because we were at the bus stop.
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Wanna hear a joke about Cheetos?
Never mind it’s dangerously cheesy.
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Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?
Someone told him to “get along little doggie”.
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I used to get heartburn whenever I ate birthday cake...
... until the doctor told me to take the candles off first!
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To the person who stole my glasses
I will find you, I have contacts
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Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.
They’re changing their name to Knockers.
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What do you call a group of whales playing instruments?
An orca-stra.
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2
Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
He wanted to visit Pluto.
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0
My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.
Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.
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1
“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”
“Nope. It’s as easy as 1,1,2,3.”
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Did you know that Iceland...
...is only one sea away from Ireland?
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1
I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.
There is no Cure.
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Why was the cow so aggressive?
It was in a bad mood.
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What kind of tea do hockey players drink?
Penaltea.
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I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...
“That’s just spam.”
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Why did the female mushroom ask the male mushroom on a date?
He seemed like a fun guy.
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What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
The taste.
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If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?
Mission impastable
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One potato looks to another potato and says "Are you a sweet potato?"
The potato responds "I yam."
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My wife just threw away my favourite herb.
She's such a Thyme waster
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Joke of the Day
Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?
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