The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?

Previous Dates

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Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me

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What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

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I dated a twin once...

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What brand of car does an Egg drive?

-2

If Jesus was the Lamb of God and Mary gave birth to Jesus..

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"I want to hate my life in a different building"

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Shout out to the people wondering

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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?

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What do you do if you are addicted to seaweed?

0

What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

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I came up with a new word yesterday:

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I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.

0

Did you hear about the dumb guy who got fired from his job at the M&M's factory?

0

I adopted a dog that used to belong to a blacksmith.

0

My wife got me an alarm clock out of the blue.

2

I once made a belt out of $50 bills

0

Last night I dreamed I wrote Lord of the Rings.

0

Narnia was a really progressive film

0

Why did the two 4s skip dinner?

1

Sadly, I've lost 20% of my sight

0

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

0

What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

1

How did the whale defend itself?

0

Broken bridges really annoy me.

0

Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?

0

How does a penguin build its house?

0

Why is the letter B so cool?

0

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

0

Wanna hear a dirty joke?

0

Why do trees have so many friends?