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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
Her: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.
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Previous Dates
1
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!
Psychiatrist: Sit over there. I'll deal with you later!
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0
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
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0
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
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0
Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?
It's called "Carbon Dating."
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2
The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society.
They fear that the social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
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0
I got a job in a coffee shop. I feel like I can espresso myself there.
But don't make a mocha-ry of me. It's a little latte for that.
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0
At a clown’s funeral, everybody brought flowers.
There wasn’t a dry face in the house.
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0
How often should a person make a chemistry joke?
Periodically.
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0
Every morning I plan on making pancakes,
but I keep waffling.
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0
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen
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-1
My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"
I said maybe...
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12
What do you call a nose with no body?
No body nose!
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0
Why do Swedish war ships have barcodes painted in the side?
So when they come in they can Scandinavian.
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0
What did the ocean say to the sailboat?
Nothing, it just waved.
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0
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"
Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."
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0
I need a joke to tell my deaf friend
Preferably one he's never heard before
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0
What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?
NACHO CHEESE!
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0
Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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0
There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.
It's going rival.
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0
What's the best day to cook?
Fryday
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Cheetahs. Cheetahs who?
Cheetahs never win and winners never cheat.
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0
Dad: Why is your January report card so bad?
Kid: Things are always marked down after Christmas.
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0
Why was the cook arrested?
He was caught beating an egg.
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0
What do you called a sad coffee?
A depresso
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0
Without nipples!
Chests would be pointless.
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0
Why does the Little Mermaid wear sea shells?
Because she outgrew B shells..
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0
What is a boxer's favorite part of a joke?
The punch line.
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0
How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?
1 or 2. 1...or 2?
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0
Why did the static say to the other static?
I'm sick and tired of your interference!
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0
I need a new butt
Mine has a crack in it
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0
How does a Chinese cowboy say hello....
Nî hâowdy.....
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Joke of the Day
My wife: You need to do more chores around the house. Me: Can we change the subject?
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