The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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What did the sushi say to the bee?

Previous Dates

3

When is a car not a car?

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I like to tell dad jokes, but I don’t have kids.

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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

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The internet connection at my farm is really sketchy, so I moved the modem to the barn.

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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

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What does Clark Kent use to keep the sun out of his eyes?

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I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.

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What do you call a cheese that isn't yours?

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Teacher (on phone): You say Michael has a cold and can't come to school today? To whom am I speaking?

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What do you call a broken can opener?

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How often should a person make a chemistry joke?

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Why do birds fly south?

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I wrote a sequel to the movie "Airplane"

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What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?

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There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.

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What do you call a small mother?

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The instructor in my self defence class told me that the most effective place to kick a man is near his knees.

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Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.

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No bragging but I made six figures last year.

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Lance is a pretty uncommon name today.

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Did you hear about the fight in the chip shop?

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Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?

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As a lumberjack, I know that I've cut exactly 3,141 trees.

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Wife: "Honey, I'm Pregnant."

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You guys hear about the depressed plumber?

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Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?

6

My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer

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I told my son people keep accidentally pleading for me to purchase meat for them. He asked, “By mistake?”

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What do you call an iron deficient female?

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I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13. "Sir, you gave me an extra."

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I asked my wife to describe me in 5 words. She said I'm mature, I'm moral, I'm pure, I'm polite and I'm perfect! Then she added that I also...