The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

Previous Dates

1

I scared my neighbor with my new power tool

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"Dad, will the pizza be long?"

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Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

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Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!

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I ordered a book of puns last week,

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What do women and google have in common?

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What do you call 52 pieces of bread?

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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally gave her a glue.

3

What is the Devil's favorite spice?

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What do you call a group of security guards in front of the Samsung store?

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Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

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I asked my wife to pick up a pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. When she said she couldn't find one at the store, I told her,

1

I don't like anti-maskers

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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

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Dad jokes are the best and heres why

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My girlfriend likes to take the stairs but I prefer taking the elevator

5

If anyone gets a DM from me about canned meat, don't open it!

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No one: literally no one:

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What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?

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It is okay if you don’t know what “prefix” means.

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I'm not fat.

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Why are cats bad storytellers?

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Shout out to the people wondering

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When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

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I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.

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What do you call a caveman's fart?

1

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type

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My Sister Bet Me $15 I Couldn't Build a Car Out Of Spaghetti

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What does BOAT stand for?

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My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

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I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.