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I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...
I thought to myself... "that's a little racist"
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My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
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What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?
One will burn your eyes, the other will moisturize.
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Driver: Officer, are you actually crying while writing my ticket?
Cop: It was a moving violation.
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What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
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