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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
You have to act quickly during a flood.
Because it's an emergent sea.
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Previous Dates
0
Why do North Koreans draw the straightest lines?
Because they have a supreme ruler.
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0
How do you get a squirrel down from a tree?
Pull down your pants and show him your nuts.
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2
Someone who likes playing racing games online is..
an eraser.
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0
How do you call the smartest mountain?
Cleverest!
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Why is an executioner a terrible high-fiver?
He always leaves you hanging
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0
To whoever stole my anti depressants
I hope you’re happy now
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1
I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
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0
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah?
When's the last time you've ever heard of anyone who rested to death?
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0
What do you call a caveman's fart?
A blast from the past
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0
I was gonna post a joke about Sodium
but then i was like Na people wouldn't get it.
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0
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have:
the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
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0
I just sold my vacuum...
All it was doing was collecting dust!!
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0
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
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0
Finally left my job at the circus where I was part of the human pyramid
That's a huge weight off my shoulders
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3
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body.
He’ll be born in February.
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0
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal!
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0
Why was the Argentine man shaky?
Due to his-panic attacks
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0
I ordered a book of puns last week,
but i didn't get it.
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0
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
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1
My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.
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0
I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
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0
How often should a person make a chemistry joke?
Periodically.
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0
How do you know if a potato had a great day?
When it's peeling good.
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0
Why was the pancake arrested?
Because he was behaving un-waffle-ly
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1
I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.
Thanks for everything, dad.
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0
What weighs less than blue ?
Light blue
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0
My clock broke.
It ticks me off
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0
"Hey dad, I'm taking a shower"
"Alright, make sure to bring it back"
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0
Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday
Apparently you’re not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say “get a load of this guy” every time someone walks in.
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6
There is a cult where they don’t believe in using coins.
Sounds like a bunch of non-cents!
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0
Can't imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is
I mean, it's not hard.
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Joke of the Day
You have to act quickly during a flood.
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