The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I gave all my dead batteries away today…

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You know there's no official training for garbagemen?

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What is it called when one butt cheek is bigger than the other?

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Bro, do you want this pamphlet?

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.

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Mary had a little lamb.

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What do you call a short mexican?

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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.

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My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

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What do you call an apology sent via Morse Code?

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What jokes are allowed during lockdown?

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Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor.

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What language do geese speak?

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Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

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Why did the dad tell the joke

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Have you heard the joke about the bed?

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You can tell the gender of any animal by just throwing a pebble at it.

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I saw an ad in a shop window, “Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full”, I thought

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How do you spot a blind man on a nude beach?

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What did the archer get when he hit a bull's-eye?

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I had a pun about insanity

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I asked my North Korean friend how he liked living there.

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Incorrectly is always spelled incorrectly

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Do you know how I embrace my mistakes?

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I debated a flat earther once. He stormed off saying he’d walk to the edge of the Earth to prove me wrong.

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What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?

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Why don’t crabs donate?

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What do you call a young musician?

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What does Devil use to make calls?

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What’s a carpet’s favorite sport?

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Why was the hunter arrested while making breakfast?

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What does DNA stand for?