A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
My wife is still mad at me because I accidentally put superglue on her pen a few days ago.
She just can’t seem to let it go.
I heard this girl talking about how much she hates stalkers.
I nearly fell out of my tree.
What do you call a five foot psychic that's escaped from jail?
A small medium at large.
A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
Today, I accidentally played dad instead of dead when a bear was running at me
He can now ride a bike without training wheels
Last night I went to a Christian themed restaurant called “The Lord Giveth”.
They also do take away.
Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing?
I think it's total non scents.
I watched a movie about graphs last night, but I was slightly disappointed.
The plot was predictable, and the special f(x) was terrible.
Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?
Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
Why shouldn't you stay close to a speaker all the time?
Because it hertz your ears!