The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Daughter: Where are the Himalayas?

Previous Dates

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Why did the blind lady fall into the well?

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What do you call it when Batman skips church?

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What do you use to keep your ig from falling off?

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Why did Mr Ohm propose to Mrs Ohm?

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The recipe said, “Set the oven to 180 degrees.”

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My parents would always feed me alphabet soup when I was younger and they’d insist that I liked it

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What does a panda fry its bamboo in?

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it…

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What’s a dogs’ favorite part of a stick?

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Yesterday the doctor told me I was colourblind.

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A skeleton walks into a bar

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What time did the man go to the dentist?

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Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?

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My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, “You weren’t even listening just now, were you?!”

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I don't trust these trees

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If you are out in the forest all by yourself and a bear charges you, what should you do?

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A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?". "For drinking." replies the cop.

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I was born in the morning at 7:11

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Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

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Do windmills like punk rock?

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I like my women the way I like my coffee.

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Dad : “I need to call the doctor today.” Mom : “Which doctor?”

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I was gonna tell a time travel joke,

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Every morning the same bike hits me.

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Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

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The clouds parted and a voice thundered, "Come forth, and you'll receive eternal life."

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I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

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I just took an AND test