The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says:

Previous Dates

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What do you call a group of security guards in front of the Samsung store?

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Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

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I asked my wife to pick up a pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. When she said she couldn't find one at the store, I told her,

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I don't like anti-maskers

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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?

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Dad jokes are the best and heres why

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My girlfriend likes to take the stairs but I prefer taking the elevator

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If anyone gets a DM from me about canned meat, don't open it!

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No one: literally no one:

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What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?

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It is okay if you don’t know what “prefix” means.

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I'm not fat.

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Why are cats bad storytellers?

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Shout out to the people wondering

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When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

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I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.

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What do you call a caveman's fart?

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My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type

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My Sister Bet Me $15 I Couldn't Build a Car Out Of Spaghetti

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What does BOAT stand for?

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My addiction to Helium is out of control, but...

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I left $100 in my suit jacket at the dry cleaners.

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My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”

4

Someone threw a bottle of omega 3 pills at me

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My wife and I have decided we don't want kids.

1

What is the opposite of a croissant?

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My flat-earther friend started walking to the edge of the earth to prove that the earth is flat.

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What makes more noise than a T-rex?

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To determine the gender of a parrot you have to stick your finger in the cage. If he bites you, he's a male...

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Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

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What is the hardest part about sky diving?