The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

1

How did the whale defend itself?

Previous Dates

0

What time did the man go to the dentist?

0

Why did the orange get stuck up the on the mountain?

0

My girlfriend yelled at me today saying, “You weren’t even listening just now, were you?!”

0

I don't trust these trees

0

If you are out in the forest all by yourself and a bear charges you, what should you do?

4

A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?". "For drinking." replies the cop.

0

I was born in the morning at 7:11

0

Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

1

My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

0

Do windmills like punk rock?

0

I like my women the way I like my coffee.

0

Dad : “I need to call the doctor today.” Mom : “Which doctor?”

0

I was gonna tell a time travel joke,

0

Every morning the same bike hits me.

0

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

0

This graveyard looks overcrowded.

0

What are a communist's favorite units of time?

0

The clouds parted and a voice thundered, "Come forth, and you'll receive eternal life."

2

I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

3

I just took an AND test

2

Someone who likes playing racing games online is..

0

Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.

1

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

0

It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,

0

Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?

1

Two psychiatrists pass each other on the street.

0

I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

2

Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

0

Why do most married men die before their wives?

0

Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

0

I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.