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I dated a girl with a lazy eye once
Turns out she was seeing someone on the side
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Wife: What are you doing? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.
Husband: I was looking for the expiration date.
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What is the angriest nut?
Pissed-aschios.
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Why do chickens lay eggs?
Because if they dropped them, they'd break.
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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