The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

Previous Dates

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My mum didn't like my report card. She said "I want more A's".

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Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"

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What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?

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You guys hear about the depressed plumber?

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Lying about my age is easier

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What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?

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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?

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Considering getting my circumcision reversed.

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You know people say they pick their nose?

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A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station.

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What's green, has four legs, and if it fell out of a tree, could kill you?

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“Hey dad, have you seen my sunglasses?”

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Me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000 Her: sure

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Vodka may not be the answer,

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What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?

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My dog is really good at playing fetch

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Dad, did you get a haircut?

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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?

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It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,

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I want to die like my grandpa did, in his sleep.

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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...

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Although my friend has a lot of hair, he’s paranoid about going bald.

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I'm a catholic

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What’s brown and sticky?

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What is cold and stands under a street lamp?

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If a chinese man has to pay, what's his name?

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What kind of tool fixes allergies?

7

What do you call a dragon with no wings

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Lying about my age is easier

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What does a house wear?

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As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.