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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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Previous Dates
0
My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word ‘way’
There’s no F in way.
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3
I was so bored sitting at home that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.
I learned next to nothing.
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1
Last year, my friend told me he’s quitting his job to pursue a miming career.
I haven't heard from him since.
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0
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
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0
I was driving when I saw a hitch hiker, so I stopped and picked him up. He said “Woah, I can't believe you actually picked me up. What if I was a serial killer?”
I said “Not likely, I mean what are the odds of two of them being in the same car?”
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0
How does the ocean say hello?
It waves.
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Last year I started investing in chicken stock.
I made a bullion dollars in profit.
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0
Why does someone who runs marathons make a good student?
Because education pays off in the long run.
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0
What did they call the first emperor of Rome who had epilepsy?
Julius Seizure.
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0
How do snowboarders introduce themselves?
"Sorry, dude!"
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1
A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing.
He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
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0
My Dad always told me to stand on a bottle of shampoo at job interviews...
That way I'd be 'head & shoulders' above the competition.
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1
What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?
Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.
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0
Converting the number 51, 6 and 500 to Roman numerals doesn’t just make me mad....
It makes me LIVID.
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What do you call a funky car?
A mustang.
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0
What's the one thing a homeless man can't be?
A homebody.
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What jumps higher than a building?
Everything, buildings don't jump.
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I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down!
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0
What do thieves make their weapons from?
Steal.
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-1
Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
"Yell for help!" wasn't one of them.
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0
Why was the calendar depressed?
Because it’s days were numbered!
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-3
Instead of 'Happy New Year' I said 'good year' to my wife.
I must be tired.
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0
My clock broke.
It ticks me off
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0
Why was Nala so upset with Simba?
He was always lion.
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Spiders are so smart..
They can find everything on the web.
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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.
Aisle weight.
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0
Peter Pan is terrible boxer.
Whenever he throws a punch, it Neverlands.
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1
Why did the can-crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
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0
An apple, a banana, and an orange were on the high dive. Only the banana wouldn't jump. Why?
Because it was yellow.
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0
How do ponies communicate with each other?
Horse code.
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0
Did you hear about the perfume that smells of nothing?
I think it's total non scents.
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Joke of the Day
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
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