The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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What did the sushi say to the bee?

Previous Dates

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I don't trust these trees

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If you are out in the forest all by yourself and a bear charges you, what should you do?

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A drunk wakes up in jail, "Why am I here officer?". "For drinking." replies the cop.

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I was born in the morning at 7:11

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Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

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Do windmills like punk rock?

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I like my women the way I like my coffee.

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Dad : “I need to call the doctor today.” Mom : “Which doctor?”

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I was gonna tell a time travel joke,

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Every morning the same bike hits me.

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Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

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This graveyard looks overcrowded.

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What are a communist's favorite units of time?

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The clouds parted and a voice thundered, "Come forth, and you'll receive eternal life."

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I once had a hen who could count her own eggs.

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I just took an AND test

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Someone who likes playing racing games online is..

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Yesterday I slapped Dwayne Johnson's ass.

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What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

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It’s not that the man couldn’t juggle,

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Do you know why you can't hear pterodactyls urinate?

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Two psychiatrists pass each other on the street.

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I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

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Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

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Why do most married men die before their wives?

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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

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I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.

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My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.

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Wanna hear a joke about Cheetos?

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Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?