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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?
A little Dinosore
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Previous Dates
1
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
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1
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...
...you need to let that mango
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2
I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
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1
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
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1
Vegetarian is an old Indian word.
Originally, it means “a bad hunter”.
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0
I gave all my dead batteries away today…
free of charge.
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0
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
I said okay... Bi den.
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0
Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good
Jack and the beans talk
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3
Why do elephants have trunks?
Because a suitcase is just not enough
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1
My therapist told me to write letters to people I hated and then burn them.
I've done that, but what do I do with the letter.
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0
The garbage man looks sad.
Yeah, he's wheelie bin depressed.
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1
What's the opposite of urine?
I'm out
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1
You know there's no official training for garbage men?
They just pick things up as they go along.
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0
How is a dog like a phone?
It has a collar ID.
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0
I was asked at an interview what my weakness is. I replied "I'm too honest". The interviewer said "I don't consider honesty a weakness".
I said "I don't give a fuck what you think"
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0
Why is Magic Johnson not afraid of going deaf?
Cause he's not worried about hearing A.I.D.S
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0
My girlfriend really changed when she became vegan.
It was like I had never seen herbivore.
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0
What is black and white and sits on a swing?
A swinguine.
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0
What happened when Richie drank 8 cokes?
He threw 7 up.
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1
I tried to come up with a joke about social distancing
But this is as close as I could get
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0
How do you tuna fish?
You raise or lower the scales.
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0
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
They’re not laughing now.
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0
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
I said okay... Bi den.
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0
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave
are they out for delivery?
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2
There are three signs of old age. The first is memory loss.
I forget the other two.
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0
I like my women the way I like my coffee.
I don't like coffee.
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0
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs!
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0
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
A kiwi in an elevator.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
Kumquat may, I'll always love you.
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0
If a chinese man has to pay, what's his name?
Ka Ching
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0
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his cake?
He was stuffed.
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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?
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