The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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A horse walks in to a bar. The bartender says:

Previous Dates

1

I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.

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What weighs less than blue ?

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My clock broke.

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"Hey dad, I'm taking a shower"

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Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

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There is a cult where they don’t believe in using coins.

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Can't imagine someone not understanding what erectile dysfunction is

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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?

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Why didn't the dad shower before telling his joke?

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I quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big or strong enough.

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Got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

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What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant?

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How does Moses make coffee?

1

How do celebrities stay cool?

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Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...

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Justice is a dish best served cold,

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused novocaine during his root canal?

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When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave

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What Do You Call A Cheap Circumcision?

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I was reading the history of the French Revolution, and just found out what happened to Louis XVI ‘s head.

2

How do short people cut their pizza?

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My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.

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I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”

1

I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.

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What begins with “f” and ends in “uck”

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I’ve got a phobia of over-engineered buildings.

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I met some aliens from outer space.

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Wanna hear a dirty joke?

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Being a cardiac surgeon...

1

Before he passed away, my grandfather said, “Here are three words that would help open a lot of doors for you.”

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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..