The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I was kidnapped by mimes once

Previous Dates

1

Two psychiatrists pass each other on the street.

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I was arrested the other day for stealing people's electrons.

2

Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

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Why do most married men die before their wives?

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Someone asked me to name 2 structures that hold water.

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I farted in the Apple store, and everyone got mad.

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My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.

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Wanna hear a joke about Cheetos?

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Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?

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I used to get heartburn whenever I ate birthday cake...

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To the person who stole my glasses

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Social distancing has led to Hooters offering delivery to your door.

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What do you call a group of whales playing instruments?

2

Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?

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My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary.

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“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”

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Did you know that Iceland...

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I have been diagnosed with a type of amnesia where I can't remember 80's bands.

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Why was the cow so aggressive?

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What kind of tea do hockey players drink?

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I got an e-mail saying, "At Google Earth, we can read maps backwards!" and I thought...

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Why did the female mushroom ask the male mushroom on a date?

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What’s the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?

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If spaghetti made an action movie, what would it be called?

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One potato looks to another potato and says "Are you a sweet potato?"

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My wife just threw away my favourite herb.

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How do you split the ocean in half?

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What did the hockey goalie say to his teammates?

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What does Dr. Jekyll do first thing every morning?

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[Interview] “It says here on your resume that you used to be in the theatre. What made you leave?”

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So I texted my crush and asked her, “Are you an ancient artifact,”