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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
You have to act quickly during a flood.
Because it's an emergent sea.
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Previous Dates
0
I changed my iPhone name to Titanic.
It’s syncing now.
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0
My daughter thinks I’m overprotective and nosy
At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.
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0
Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?
His career was in ruins.
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0
I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition.
Guess I better step up my game.
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0
I went to a strip club for blind people
The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching
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0
What fish tastes best with peanut butter...
Jellyfish.
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0
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives...
I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine."
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1
Don't spell part backwards
It's a trap
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-1
Many people have decent hand-eye coordination.
But pirates have good eye-eye coordination.
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0
I was surprised to find a spider at my office
I didn’t know we had any web developers
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0
Who is bigger, Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger’s baby?
Mr. Bigger’s baby, because he’s a little Bigger
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0
What's the cheapest meat?
Deer balls, they're under a buck!
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0
What do you call a bear with no ears?
B
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6
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It’s because they charge a lot.
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2
One impeachment is bad, but two impeachments.
That’s just unpresidented.
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0
What was wrong with the wooden car?
It wooden go
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-1
What bug did dinosaurs hate the most?
Dynomites
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0
What gender pronouns does a chocolate bar use?
Her/she
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0
Who does a pharaoh talk to when he's sad?
His mummy.
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0
What do you call a very crusty egg?
Eggzema
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1
Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
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0
Did you hear about the angry pancake?
He just flipped.
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0
Where do mice park their boats?
At the Hickory Dickory Dock.
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0
Why didn't the dog want to wrestle?
He was a boxer.
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0
9 months isn't really that long
It only feels like a maternity
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0
If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria
I want everyone to know I'm the powerhouse of the cell.
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0
A photon checks into a hotel, and the bellhop says, "Can I get your bags for you?"
"No need, good sir," replies the photon. "I'm traveling light."
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1
My friend said, “You have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.”
It was a third degree burn.
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0
My orchestra buddy wanted to bring his fiddle to a protest. I told him not to.
In a peaceful protest, there's no need for violins.
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2
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin
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0
A guy asked me if I wanted to donate for a swimmin pool..
So I gave him a glass of water.
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Joke of the Day
You have to act quickly during a flood.
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