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A guy asked me if I wanted to donate for a swimmin pool..
So I gave him a glass of water.
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My girlfriend says if we don’t get married soon, she’s gonna kill me.
...it’s a matter of wife or death.
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Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team?
Because she kept running from the ball!
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For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” in the office.
I can’t tell you how much this award means to me.
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What did the sushi say to the bee?
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