Reporter: How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?
Company owner: It's simple. I have 100 employees, and 99 free parking spaces outside. The other one costs $50 a day.
People who wear glasses must be excited for next year.
It's the first time they'll see 2020.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
For Christmas, I bought my wife new beads for her abacus.
It's the little things that count!
My kid’s pet rabbit named Gotye ran away a few days ago, and we can’t find it.
Now he’s just some bunny we used to know.
We all know the show was called Spongebob Squarepants
But the star was Patrick
My wife divorced me because I'm a compulsive gambler...
All I can think about is how to win her back!
I like playing chess with old people in the park...
But it's kind of hard to find 32 of them.
An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance
so I pushed her over.
I know this awesome guy who created a perfect joke everyone still laughs at after 34 years.
Thanks for everything, dad.
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”