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Mayan: Hey wanna drink?
Other Mayan: I'm working on this calendar, but I guess if I don't finish it won't be the end of the world.
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What's a cannibals favorite kind of noodle?
Rawmen.
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So I was asking my brother how come he only uses his superpowers on my daughters
He said it’s because he only has telekinesis not telekinephews
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Why does seaguls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay, they would be bagels.
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Husband: Whisper dirty things to me.
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