The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

Previous Dates

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Albert Einstein was a genius but

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Why was six afraid of seven

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Just found out that Aaaargghhh is not a real word.

0

How does the man on the moon cut his hair?

6

My son asked me what procrastinate meant.

-1

I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey.

1

What do you call a slow moving poop?

0

What kind of pants do ghosts wear?

1

I scared my neighbor with my new power tool

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What do you call a very crusty egg?

12

What do you call a nose with no body?

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My wife left me because I’m too insecure

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Why does wally wear a striped shirt?

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I just sold my vacuum...

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My first day working as a pilot: looking down nervously what are all these buttons for?

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I had a silver dollar, but then my dog got a hold of it.

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Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards....

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My clock broke.

1

Irony.

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Why was the math teacher late to work?

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An old lady in bank asked me if I can check her balance

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Why was the cow so aggressive?

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Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...

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I saw my nephew after a long time, and said “Wow! You must have grown a foot since I saw you last!”

1

What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?

6

What do I do if I need some info about Alaska?

0

My doctor friend is addicted to hitting his patients on their knees to check their reflexes.

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I was going to tell the story about my broken pencil.

0

Why don't English rugby players get vaccinated before touring?

7

I had a Wookie burger at a Star Wars cafe

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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...