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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
You know people say they pick their nose?
I was just born with mine.
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Previous Dates
0
What is hairy, brown, and goes up and down?
A kiwi in an elevator.
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
Kumquat may, I'll always love you.
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0
If a chinese man has to pay, what's his name?
Ka Ching
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0
Why couldn't the teddy bear finish his cake?
He was stuffed.
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0
They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian.
They’re not laughing now.
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5
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It’s because they charge a lot.
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0
I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
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0
Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
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0
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal!
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0
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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6
Dad: what do you do when you are in the wrong seat?
I stand corrected
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-1
You know you're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling...
and you didn't do anything the night before.
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1
Want to know why nurses like red crayons?
Sometimes they have to draw blood.
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1
Why are elevator jokes so good?
They work on so many levels.
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0
At the end of the day...
It's just midnight!
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0
What's more amazing than a talking dog?
A spelling Bee
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0
I just bought a new house. It has no plumbing.
It's un-can-ny.
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2
Why did Spiderman quit his day job?
Why did Spiderman quit his day job?
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0
Why did the Mexican take some Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks.
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5
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
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0
Is infinity odd or even?
Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.
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1
Why did the octopus blush?
She saw the ocean's bottom.
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0
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.
Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it?
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0
Remember when air was free at the gas station, now it’s $1.50. You know why?
Inflation
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6
A man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”
The doctor said “I know you can’t, I’ve cut off your arms!
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0
Never, ever invest in Velcro....
It's a total rip-off
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0
I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
REVEAL ANSWER
1
Did you know that diarrhea is hereditary?
Yup! It runs in your jeans!
REVEAL ANSWER
0
My son said, “Dad, I have to pee very badly!”
I said “Son, you’re 14. You should be pretty good at that by now.”
REVEAL ANSWER
0
Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut.
REVEAL ANSWER
0
My wife told me I didn't know what irony is.
It was ironic, because we were at the bus stop.
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Joke of the Day
You know people say they pick their nose?
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