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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
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Which of King Arthur's knights built the round table?
Sir-cumfrence
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My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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