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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Spiders are so smart..
They can find everything on the web.
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Previous Dates
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Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,
right where it hertz.
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My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.
I added some fruit and orange juice—now she’s sangria than ever.
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Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?
Shuriken.
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This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.
How dairy?!?!
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I used to work at a calendar factory,
but I got fired for taking a couple days off.
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Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
It's big red flag
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When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it's full.
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How did the farmer find his wife?
He tractor down
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Why did the autistic students eat their homework?
Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake!
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My neighbor told me he only sleeps standing up.
But everyone knows he lies a lot.
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2
Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor.
Period.
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0
My boss fired me for cracking too many Asian jokes.
It ended my Korea.
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My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
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What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?
Roberto
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I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”
“Sure,” he said. “60.”
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What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?
A spaghetto
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Most vegans are pacifists.
They don't want any beef.
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My cat was just sick on the carpet.
I don't think he's feline well.
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My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
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5
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
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1
Somebody said that my father is older than dirt.
It's not true-he discovered it.
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0
What do you call your child when they are happy?
A happy little accident.
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-1
I was never good at telling dad jokes
Probably because he was never around
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0
Don’t stare at a glass of water.
Take a pitcher it’ll last longer.
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Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.
He's never going to finish his sentence.
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My balding magician friend has come up with a new trick.
He vanished into thin hair.
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Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...
Once upon a time there was this lobster...
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It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.
But now I can look back and laugh.
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These four words describe my gaming pc.
Gay, Mean, Pee, Sea.
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Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?
They make a lot of money.
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Why did the coach let the elephant play basketball?
He had already broken the bench.
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Joke of the Day
Spiders are so smart..
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