The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I don't trust these trees

Previous Dates

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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?

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Which food should you only eat in the bathroom?

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I lost five pounds last week,

2

I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet

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I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.

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Jack: How’s it going? Beans: Pretty good

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My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy

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If you have diarrhea,

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Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

1

How many ADHD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

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My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises.

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I’m not super experienced with wood carving.

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Just read an article about the top ten exposed electrical circuits.

-1

Watched a movie in 1440p for the first time yesterday.

1

Why did the tomato blush?

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When life gives you melons

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Last night I went to a Christian themed restaurant called “The Lord Giveth”.

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What's the difference between a baseball hitter and a skydiver?

-1

What bug did dinosaurs hate the most?

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Irony.

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I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

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What do you call a line of blonde people?

-6

If Jesus was real they wouldn't call it the crucifixion

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What's the difference between sanitizer and moisturizer?

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Why was the broom late for work?

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What is cold and stands under a street lamp?

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It's difficult to say what my wife does,

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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...

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There was a fight between 69 and 70.

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How do you correctly compliment a dad joke?

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Me: Know what Thanos says when he finds a rotten fruit in his garden? My kids: Ugh.