The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

Previous Dates

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How did Jesus get so strong?

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At the end of the day...

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Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.

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Why did the female mushroom ask the male mushroom on a date?

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A captain harpooned a whale's tail on his first throw.

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My biology teacher asked "What's heavier, the Indian or African elephant?"

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Who is a dog's favorite comedian?

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What is a frog's favorite drink?

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A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.

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I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.

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What does Superman have in his drink?

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Two atoms are walking down the street and bump into each other

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How many apples grow on a tree?

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Here's a good circumcision joke.

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I took my wife to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you, but she wasn't very happy.

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Dogs can't see your bones.

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What I if told you

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My biology teacher asked "What's heavier, the Indian or African elephant?"

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How tall is a spider?

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What makes more noise than a T-rex?

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Frequent nap taking slows the aging process.

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I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too High

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What did the vegetarian say to the doctor?

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What is cold and stands under a street lamp?

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People who rob jewelry stores and banks are pretty bad.

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Toy story 4 used to have a scene where Woody's friends died.

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My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

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What do you call someone with no body and no nose?

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Why didn’t the astronaut come home to his wife?

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Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?

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My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home...