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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
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I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"
She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"
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A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from her vegetarian resturaunt.
I was a bit confused, I'd never met herbivore.
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My wife caught me performing an action scene from The Matrix, but luckily she thought I was doing yoga exercises.
I just dodged a bullet.
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I like my women the way I like my coffee.
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