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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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What makes more noise than a T-rex?
Two T-rex
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Previous Dates
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Why couldn’t the duck cross the road?
Because he got his foot stuck in a quack.
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My best friend keeps telling me to “cheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”
I know he means well.
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Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?
Shuriken.
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I knew I shouldn't have had the sea food.
I'm feeling a little eel.
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1
My teacher says I'm pretty good at addition but I'm terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.
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1
How do you know if a sniper likes you?
He misses you!
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0
I made a graph showing my past relationships..
It was an ex axis and a why axis.
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Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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Xbox was struggling...
but they really turned it around with the 360.
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My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
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I would do a steak joke..
But they're never well done.
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Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?
Because Tim cooks
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1
My dad bought me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday.
I couldn't find the words to thank him.
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0
Dad to his daughter: "Never forget, sweetie, you're unique,
like everyone else."
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I have a joke about time travel
but you didn't like it...
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1
Why don't developers carry guns?
They have troubleshooting.
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I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
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What's red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint
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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters
All I found was 13,769 matches
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When I was young, my dad used to tear up the last page of all my comic books and never told me why.
I had to draw my own conclusions.
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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.
He's now high on the list of people I don't want to see again.
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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll a joint.
He's now high on the list of people I don't want to see again.
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I have a confession to make, I was addicted to soap.
But I’m clean now.
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What did the doctor say to his patient that wanted to do his own stitches?
Suture self.
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I can always tell, just by looking, when someone is lying.
I can also tell when they are standing.
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My wife told me to take a spider out instead of killing it.
We went out for drinks. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer.
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Why is Magic Johnson not afraid of going deaf?
Cause he's not worried about hearing A.I.D.S
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Why was Nala so upset with Simba?
He was always lion.
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1
Why do the riot police always arrive early to protests?
Because they like to beat the crowd.
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Did you hear about the new vegan parallel lines?
They never meat.
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How do trees access the internet?
They log on.
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Joke of the Day
What makes more noise than a T-rex?
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