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Although my friend has a lot of hair, he’s paranoid about going bald.
I told him, “It’s all in your head.”
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“Dear Diary, I think I have trouble distinguishing between inanimate objects and human beings.”
My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.
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My boss hates when I shorten his name to Dick.
Especially because his name’s Steve.
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When I moved into my new igloo my friends threw me a surprise house-warming party.
Now I’m homeless.
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What do you call a nose with no body?
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