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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
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Did you hear about the 2 guys that stole a calendar?
They both got 6 months.
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A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store
I don’t know how he sleeps at night
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I was kidnapped by mimes once
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