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My wife asked me if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook...
So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
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Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump.
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Why are people with foot fetish losers?
Because they like to taste defeat.
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I don’t mean to toot my own horn
But sometimes I have trouble getting into the driver’s seat.
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
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