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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
0
I don't trust these trees
They seem kind of shady
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Previous Dates
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Wife asked me why i don't take her anywhere.
I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."
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0
Why do bees hum?
They don't know the words.
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2
Why did Mickey Mouse become an astronaut?
He wanted to visit Pluto.
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0
NASCAR bans the confederate flag?
Finally a turn in the right direction.
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0
What kind of sickness does a martial artist get?
Kung flu.
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0
Why do birds fly south?
It’s easier than walking!
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0
What did the undertaker say when he realized he'd buried the wrong coffin?
I've made a grave mistake
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myspacebarhasarestrainingorderagainstme
nowicanonlygotofacebookbar
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0
How do you call the smartest mountain?
Cleverest!
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0
Where do you take somebody that has been injured in a Peek-a-Boo accident?
The I.C.U.
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0
I’ve just won a few hands in poker.
Some people really will gamble anything.
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1
Why was the farmer arrested at the gym?
He was destroying his calves.
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0
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their head is really far away.
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2
I just flew in from a Transformers convention
And boy are my arms tires
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1
If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”
They get really pissed off.
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0
Why are foot injuries so serious?
... because they take so long to heel.
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0
My therapist told me that I have trouble interpreting social cues.
I think she’s in love with me.
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0
You can tell the gender of any animal by just throwing a pebble at it.
If SHE attacks you then it's a female or If HE attacks you then it's a male.
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0
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
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0
What do you call it when a pirate climaxes?
An arrgasm
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0
What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?
“Put it on my bill.”
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0
I wondered why the frisbee was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
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0
Who would win in a fight between a kangaroo and a zebra?
The zebra. It has so many black belts.
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0
Why couldn't the Olympian listen to music?
Because he kept breaking all the records.
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0
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad I had to take his bike away.
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Doctor: I'm afraid your DNA is backwards, sir.
Me: AND?
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0
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
They’d crack each other up!
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1
Vegetarian is an old Indian word.
Originally, it means “a bad hunter”.
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0
Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.
He's never going to finish his sentence.
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1
They'll never win a war on drugs.
It's hard enough to win a war even when you're not on drugs.
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0
Never try to fight a dinosaur...
You’ll get Jurasskiced
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Joke of the Day
I don't trust these trees
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