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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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I don't trust these trees
They seem kind of shady
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Previous Dates
1
I have joke about left-handers.
The only issue is I’m having trouble finding the right audience.
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Did you know that diarrhea is genetic?
Runs in the family
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Being a great father is like shaving.
No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
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My laziness is like the number 8.
Once it lies down, it becomes infinite.
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Being a cardiac surgeon...
Would be a heart wrenching experience.
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How long did Cain hate his brother?
As long as he was able.
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I have a goal to stop being over ambitious.
I hope to hit it by tomorrow.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Disaster. Disaster who?
Disaster be my lucky day!
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A piece of bread attended school.
It did so well it made the honor roll.
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If you're feeling under the weather, spend a night in a smokehouse.
You'll be cured in no time.
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I recently wrote an article comparing the different versions of the Bible.
Turns out there was a lot of cross referencing.
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Son: "Dad, what are clouds made of?"
Dad: "data and Linux servers"
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Which animal is the oldest?
Zebras cause they still be in black and white
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Why does Waldo always wear stripes?
He's afraid of getting spotted.
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…
But it was his dumb asphalt…
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Student: Why are we dissecting mushrooms?
Teacher: Because studying fungus is a cultured way to mold young minds.
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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..
"Where are the reinforcemints"
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My best friend keeps telling me to “cheer up man. It could be a lot worse, you could be stuck in an underground hole filled with water”
I know he means well.
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What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for school?
"Bison"
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A ten year old boy broke his knee...
Doctors had to do the kidney replacement surgery.
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When life gives you melons
you might be dyslexic.
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My mum didn't like my report card. She said "I want more A's".
I said okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay
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Do you know why the say "be there or be square?"
Because you're not around.
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What’s 50 Cent’s name in Zimbabwe?
400 Million Dollars.
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0
You guys hear about the depressed plumber?
He’s going through a lot of crap right now.
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1
Lying about my age is easier
now that I often forget what it is.
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0
What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison.
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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?
No, he's avoiding a kidnapping.
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Considering getting my circumcision reversed.
Anyone have any tips?
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You know people say they pick their nose?
I was just born with mine.
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A bus stops at a bus station. A train stops at a train station.
Now you know why they call it a workstation.
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I don't trust these trees
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