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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
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I was born in the morning at 7:11
My parents thought it was pretty cool, but the store clerk wasn't happy about the mess.
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Why was dumbo sad?
He felt irrelephant.
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My twin brother always takes the stairs, but I prefer taking the elevator.
I guess.... we are raised differently.
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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