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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.
He’s now high on the list of people I never want to see again.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Albee. Albee who?
Well Albee a monkey's uncle.
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My friend told me he was Jewish.
I was like, “No way!” And he was like, “Yahweh.”
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Why are burglars so sensitive?
Because they take things personally.
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Why does the man want to buy nine rackets?
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