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"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing..
Unless you're at a funeral.
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Why are foot injuries so serious?
... because they take so long to heel.
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Soccer striker: I had an open goal but still I didn't score. I could kick myself.
Manager: I wouldn't bother. You'd probably miss.
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What has four wheels and flies?
A Garbage Truck.
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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