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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
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The only time I get called "Sir" is when I'm in trouble.
"Sir, you're gonna have to get out. The ball pit is for kids only Sir."...
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Previous Dates
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A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from her vegetarian resturaunt.
I was a bit confused, I'd never met herbivore.
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I don't know why marvel hasn't tried to put ads on hulk
He's essentially a large banner
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What do you call a group of whales playing instruments?
An orca-stra.
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Why did Superman flush the toilet?
Because it was his duty.
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Did you hear about the sick Italian chef?
He pasta-way. I cannoli imagine what his family is going through.
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What do you call a straight line of bunnies hopping backwards?
A receding hare line.
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What did fridge say when asked 'any hot drinks?'?
'No, I'm cool.'
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In the battle of the mint - the spearmint attacked the soft mints - all they could yell was..
"Where are the reinforcemints"
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What rhymes with orange?
No, it doesn't.
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Light travels faster than sound.
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
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When does Floyd like to go to the beach?
During Mayweather.
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What kind of music did the pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth rock.
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I've been looking for some new hunting gear.
Good camouflage is hard to find.
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-1
My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"
I said maybe...
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I finally decided to dispose of my broken tripod
I just couldn't stand it anymore.
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I used to work at a calendar factory,
but I got fired for taking a couple days off.
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I don't really care about Mr. Cone's opinion
But I think he has a solid point
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Shredded cheese was a great invention.
People were really grateful.
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How did Jesus get so strong?
Cross fit
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At the end of the day...
It's just midnight!
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Americans can't switch from pounds to kilograms overnight.
That would cause mass confusion.
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Why did the female mushroom ask the male mushroom on a date?
He seemed like a fun guy.
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A captain harpooned a whale's tail on his first throw.
He said, "Well, that was a fluke."
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My biology teacher asked "What's heavier, the Indian or African elephant?"
I said "The elephant obviously!"
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Who is a dog's favorite comedian?
Growlcho Marx.
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What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-Cola
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A sketchy guy just came into my shop and bought six smoke machines. So I called the cops.
He must be a part of some extreme mist group.
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I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream.
My stomach was churning for a while, but now I’m finally feeling butter.
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What does Superman have in his drink?
Just ice.
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Two atoms are walking down the street and bump into each other
-Are you ok? -I think I lost an electron -Are you sure? -I’m positive!
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How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
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Joke of the Day
The only time I get called "Sir" is when I'm in trouble.
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