The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

1

A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"

Previous Dates

0

What does a house wear?

0

As I suspected, someone has been adding soil to my garden.

0

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

0

My wife hates it when I mess with her red wine.

0

Can a ninja kill someone with a throwing star?

0

This morning I saw the milkman drinking a sip of milk before leaving it in front of my door.

0

I used to work at a calendar factory,

0

Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...

0

When do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?

0

How did the farmer find his wife?

0

Why did the autistic students eat their homework?

0

My neighbor told me he only sleeps standing up.

2

Feminine hygiene jokes are the lowest form of humor.

0

My boss fired me for cracking too many Asian jokes.

0

My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”

0

What do you call an Argentinian with a rubber toe?

0

I was talking to a rancher today. I said, “I have 54 sheep. Can you round them up for me?”

0

What do you call a sketchy Italian neighbourhood?

0

Most vegans are pacifists.

0

My cat was just sick on the carpet.

0

My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.

5

What does a zombie vegetarian eat?

1

Somebody said that my father is older than dirt.

0

What do you call your child when they are happy?

-1

I was never good at telling dad jokes

0

Don’t stare at a glass of water.

0

Your dad is in prison and he has a stutter.

0

My balding magician friend has come up with a new trick.

0

Stopped by a roadside stand that said lobster tails $2. I paid my $2 and he said...

0

It wasn’t much fun when I broke my neck last year.

0

These four words describe my gaming pc.