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Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?
Because a mother knows breast.
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My wife got me an alarm clock out of the blue.
I was alarmed.
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On the anniversary of his birth, devotees of a certain yogi asked what gifts they might bring.
The yogi replied, 'I wish for no gifts, only presence."
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I asked my wife to pick up a pumpkin to make pumpkin pie. When she said she couldn't find one at the store, I told her,
"I guess our plans are squashed."
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Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
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