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My stoner friend used my daily planner to roll up a joint…
He’s now high on my list of priorities.
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What do you call a pilot on drugs?
A high flier.
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Burned my Hawaiian pizza today,
I should've cooked it on aloha temperature.
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My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.
I saw it coming from a kilometer away.
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What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
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