The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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Wanna hear something breathtaking

Previous Dates

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I couldn’t decide on how much lettuce to buy, until my wife helped me think it through.

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Doctor: I had to take your colon.

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How did the hipster drown?

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2 fish are in a tank

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Why is a minnow always the first suspect for a crime?

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The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call it the brella.

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I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

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Working at a mirror factory

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Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?

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How can you tell when a mummy has a cold?

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Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar every time I have pessimistic thoughts.

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My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

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No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to master the entire alphabet.

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What makes a dad joke a dad joke?

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I dated a twin once...

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I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.

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Call me a taxi!

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I just watched a video of a drill.

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Want to hear a pizza joke?

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My daughter was playing with my computer when she broke the R button and tried to eat it.

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I bet none of you will see this one coming

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Genie: What's your first wish master? John: I wish I was rich.

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What do you call a horse that moves around a lot?

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Why did the tomato blush?

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I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.

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My colleagues at work have given me the nickname “Mr. Compromise.”

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How do you split the ocean in half?

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I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...

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I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myslef,

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So excited for autopsy club!

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What do you call a fear of giants?