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I used to work at a calendar factory,
but I got fired for taking a couple days off.
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Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
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I hate people who don't use punctiation.
They deserve a long sentence.
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Did you hear about the twins who got an apartment together?
Before they were roommates they were wombmates.
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My wife asked me if I'm ever gonna stop singing "Wonderwall"
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