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I used to work at a calendar factory,
but I got fired for taking a couple days off.
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When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"
I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"
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My wife is a body builder.
Yep, she’s pregnant.
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Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was a head!
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I got hit in the head with a can of Diet Coke today
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