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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."
That way I can tell people that I go to the jim first thing every morning.
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Being a great father is like shaving.
No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
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Why did The Joker have to sleep with his lights on?
Because he was afraid of the Dark Knight.
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I think my wife is leaving me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.
Oh well, hind sight is 1.
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What do you call a piece of wood with nothing to do?
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