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I call my toilet "the jim" instead of "the john."
That way I can tell people that I go to the jim first thing every morning.
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TIL: If your boat turns upside down in the river, you can wear it on your head.
Because it is capsized.
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What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
Calcunow
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How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it
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Whenever I see a school bus, I think about my uncles last words...
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