The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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I gave all my dead batteries away today…

Previous Dates

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What do you call a sheep without legs?

1

“Dad, is the Fibonacci sequence hard to understand?”

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Why couldn't the lifeguard save the hippie?

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What do you call an unbelievable story about a basketball player?

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Desdemona. Desdemona who?

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The iPhone vs Android debate has to stop!

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A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Disaster. Disaster who?

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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory,

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What do you call a happy rabbit?

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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…

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Why can't a father teach his girl about buying bras?

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What are the four worst words you can hear on a golf course?

1

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?

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What do you call a pissed off redhead?

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What do you call a woman who sounds like an ambulance?

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What do you call a fake noodle?

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What did the latino man sing when he lost his job?

-1

My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....

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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters

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I used to work in a shoe recycling shop.

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There's a video trending about a dyslexic enemy.

1

Why are the North Koreans the best at geometry?

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What does a turtle do on their birthday?

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Why are Russian cars so terrible?

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I hate people who don't use punctiation.

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I'm a catholic

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Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.

-2

I have sex daily

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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?

3

I angered two people today by calling them hipsters...