The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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How did the T-rex feel after his workout?

Previous Dates

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Been torturing a centipede for the last 98 days…

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How does an octopus go to war?

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Cosmetic surgery used to be something that people would be embarrassed to speak about

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I saw a MOM hanging upside down today!

1

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

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My wife caught me cross dressing and told me it was over.

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What did the cowboy say at his second rodeo?

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If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it...

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I'm a parent, so I'm always right. There was one time I thought I was wrong.

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Where do beekeepers stay on vacation?

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What did the ocean say to the sailboat?

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What did the big bucket say to the small bucket?

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How do you split the ocean in half?

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Why are mints so smart?

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I took a selfie after my kidney removal surgery

1

Gold walks into a bar

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Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree hasn’t been the worst thing that happened to me today.

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What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?

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Why don’t you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?

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I saw a midget wearing a t-shirt with the slogan "I hate black people" on it...

2

I just went to get my glasses fixed and you’ll never guess who I ran into when I was there!

1

I've developed a fear of negative numbers.

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Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.

1

I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death

5

My dad used to hit me with cameras

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My pet parrot Nico escaped yesterday and hasn't been seen since.

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My wife said I was immature.

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Tell me ONE thing wrong with overstocking grocery shelves. Go on.

5

People told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic

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Its important to keep some candy in your pocket at all times.

1

How did the whale defend itself?