I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
She said “Yes.... all the other guys were nines or tens”
Why does the new iPhone 11 Max look like a stove top?
Because Tim cooks
Today me and my wife caught our son burning down a house
We held each other's hand and said "that's arson"
Father: I know what's causing your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television.
Kid: I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question.