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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
1
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So where’s my present?!"
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Previous Dates
0
What's a drunk astronauts favourite part of a computer?
The space bar
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1
I was going to buy a book about phobias,
but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.
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0
Did you hear about the guy who invented Altoids?
He made a mint.
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0
Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Kumquat. Kumquat who?
Kumquat may, I'll always love you.
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0
Vodka may not be the answer,
but it’s worth a shot.
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0
I don’t know why people say cancer is hard to beat
I’m already on stage 4
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0
I woke up this morning and found that someone dumped a bunch of legos on my front door step.
I don’t know what to make of it.
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0
I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated,
so they can get into a good college that we can't afford.
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0
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, damn it! Breathe!
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0
Ladies, if your boyfriend asks for matador equipment for christmas...
It's big red flag
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0
I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall...
I thought “hmm, that’s a little condescending l”
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0
Don't trust atoms.
They make up everything!
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1
How do bees get to school?
They take the buzzz
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0
What did the hockey goalie say to his teammates?
"Let's get the puck out of here!"
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0
You have to act quickly during a flood.
Because it's an emergent sea.
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0
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I’ll let you know
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0
I ordered a book of puns last week,
but i didn't get it.
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1
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery.
He charged one and let the other one off.
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0
Fun fact: Alligators can grow up to 16 feet
But most of them just have 4
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0
I've always wanted to be a Millionaire just like my Dad...
He always wanted to be a Millionaire too
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0
I want my favorite team to be my pallbearers
so that they can let me down one last time.
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0
Just found out that Aaaargghhh is not a real word.
Can’t tell you how angry I am at this.
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0
I don't know why marvel hasn't tried to put ads on hulk
He's essentially a large banner
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1
If I had a dime every time I didn't know what was going on, I'd be like,
"Why is everyone giving me all these dimes?"
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1
What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
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0
Knock-knock! Who's there? Cheetahs. Cheetahs who?
Cheetahs never win and winners never cheat.
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0
When my grandfather was ill, we rubbed lard on his back.
He went downhill quite quickly after that.
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0
Why did the static say to the other static?
I'm sick and tired of your interference!
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0
What do you call it when a dinosaur farts?
Exstink
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0
I took the shell of my racing snail, thinking it would help him run faster.
If anything, it made him more sluggish.
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Joke of the Day
A man in an interrogation room says, “I’m not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
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