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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
Patient: Great! I've always wanted to play an instrument.
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Previous Dates
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A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says "hey" . . The horse replies "sure"
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What’s the best way to get to the capital of Senegal?
Dakar
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What kind of candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
I said okay... Bi den.
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An astronaut was being sucked into a black hole. He frantically tried to escape...
...but nothing worked. It was una-void-able.
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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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How do you know you've been left somewhere
You're not in the right place
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I said it once and I'll say it again
it
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I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition.
Guess I better step up my game.
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After all these years, my wife still thinks I’m sexy.
Every time I walk by she says, “What an Ass.”
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What does the clock do when it's hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
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What did the nurse say when she found a rectal thermometer in her pocket?
“Some asshole has my pen.”
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1
I keep asking iris why some people have dyslexia, but she won't answer.
Maybe my iPhone is just broken.
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Which day do eggs hate?
Fry-day
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2020 can’t end
Because we’d be admitting 2021.
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My cat gained so much weight that I had to put her down
My arms got tired but I'll pick her up again later.
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How did the farmer mend the holes in his jeans?
With cabbage patches.
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Knock-knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who?
Candy kid ever learn to clean up his room?
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7
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screen shots.
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Ebay is useless. I tried searching for lighters
All I found was 13,769 matches
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I don’t know why people have a problem with wigs.
It’s a look anybody can pull off!
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I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
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Broken guitar for sale.
No strings attached.
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1
If you rearrange the letters of “Postmen”
They get really pissed off.
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This one time, all the rooms in a hotel were booked. But then comes this one guy, who asks for a room, in the same hotel, and gets one easily.
Because his name was Improvement. And there's always room for improvement.
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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
Because it’s pointless!
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2
Husband: Help! My wife is going into labor! 911 Operator: Is this her first child?
Husband: No, this is her husband.
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Why is no one friends with Dracula?
Because he's a pain in the neck.
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I lost my memory after getting hit on the head by a boomerang.
It's all coming back to me now.
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I got a job as a human cannonball.
I was fired immediately.
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What does Pac-Man eat with his chips?
Guacawakamole.
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Joke of the Day
Patient: When my hand heals, will I be able to play piano? Doctor: Yes, you'll be fine in a few days.
REVEAL ANSWER
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