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The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.
Todays Joke
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If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..
.. is it like uploading one picture in Instakilogram?
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Previous Dates
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At a clown’s funeral, everybody brought flowers.
There wasn’t a dry face in the house.
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1
Dad jokes are at all all-time high during quarantine times
Analysts say it's the worst pundemic ever recorded in modern history.
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My daughter asked "What's a light year?"
I said: "It's a regular year but lower in calories".
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What does BOAT stand for?
Bust out another thousand.
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What happened when the dog ate the firefly?
It barked with de-light!
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1
What do you call a bunch of chess nerds bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.
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Why does wally wear a striped shirt?
Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
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Pride is what you feel when your kids net $100 from a garage sale.
Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.
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What is a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka-Cola
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What does DNA stand for?
National dyslexic association
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What do you call a bodybuilder in jail?
Mitochondrion.
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1
I ran over 5 miles today
Like, what are the odds they were all named Miles? Crazy.
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My wife is a body builder.
Yep, she’s pregnant.
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My son turned 27, so he's no longer covered by my health insurance.
In other words, his manufacturer's warranty is up.
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2
We would tell you another swimming joke,
but it's too watered down to be funny.
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Why did the archaeologist have a breakdown?
His career was in ruins.
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How does Moses make his coffee?
Hebrews it.
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What kind of candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.
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I had been out drinking on St. Patrick's Day, so I took a bus home.
That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
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My wife said "nothing rhymes with orange"
I said "No it doesn't"
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What did the bystander say to the abusive farmer?
Stop beating your meat!
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What's the quickest way to double your money?
Fold it in half.
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A horse walks into a bar...
The bartender says "hey" . . The horse replies "sure"
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What’s the best way to get to the capital of Senegal?
Dakar
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What kind of candy do you eat on the playground?
Recess Pieces.
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
I said okay... Bi den.
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An astronaut was being sucked into a black hole. He frantically tried to escape...
...but nothing worked. It was una-void-able.
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Spring is here but I can't plant flowers yet...
I haven't botany
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How do you know you've been left somewhere
You're not in the right place
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I said it once and I'll say it again
it
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I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition.
Guess I better step up my game.
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If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..
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