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Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?
Because he conditioned it.
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When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be.
Turns out identity theft is a crime.
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What do you call a blender that made a mistake?
Blunder
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My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
Damn near poked my eye out.
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Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
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