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Why is no one friends with Dracula?
Because he's a pain in the neck.
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Newscaster: Why did you relocate across the country?
Weatherman: Because the weather didn't agree with me.
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What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
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Why do bananas need sunscreen?
Because they peel.
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My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
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