We're opening a gym called Resolutions. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks of the year
and then turn into a bar for the rest of it.
For the 10th year in a row, my coworkers voted me “the most secretive guy” they ever met.
I can’t tell you how much this means to me.
I was on a date with a woman who said "I am a big country fan."
Me trying to sound intelligent: " Well, China is 3.7 million square miles. "
My wife yelled at me, telling me to put the toilet seat down..
Don't know why I was carrying it around in the first place.