The best dad jokes and puns on the internet.

Todays Joke

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If you upload 1000 pictures on Instagram..

Previous Dates

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What do you call a girl in the middle of a tennis court?

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Why did the nazi got run over?

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What did the bear say after hibernation?

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Whenever my dad goes to get gas he says “regular please” and when the gas station attendant (we live in Oregon) asks “fill?” my dad replies

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What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

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What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?

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Why did the Mexican push two of his three children off a cliff?

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What do you call a cow that learns how to belly dance?

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I robbed a kitchen utensil store

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If I ever go to Prison, I'm gonna change my name to Mitochondria

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Knock-knock! Who's there? Candy. Candy who?

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What do you call a lame person who has telepathy?

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If you bury someone in the wrong place,

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Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

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A man woke up after a serious accident and he said “I can’t feel my legs!!”

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I won an award for being the best scarecrow in my field.

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What do you call a pig with three eyes?

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What's the difference between ignorance, apathy, and ambivalence?

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My cousins are like the letter K.

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Q: What's the worst thing about ancient history class?

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If a child refuses to go to sleep, is he resisting arrest?

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The hardest part for someone when coming out

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How do alcoholics get in their house?

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Do you know what’s up?

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These reversing cameras are great.

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Do you know where in a hospital the invisible man can't hide?

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My son thinks he’s smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry.

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I wrote down the names of everyone I hate on a piece of paper, and my roommate used that to roll his joint.

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Did you hear about the deaf shepherd?

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So I asked the dude next to me if he knew the chemical symbol for sodium hypobromite, and he was all like,

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Why was Cinderella dropped from the soccer team?