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My dad wanted me to become a fruit farmer like him but I always told him I was scared to do it.
So he told me to grow a pear.
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A cop left a nice note on my windshield to let me know I'd parked my car correctly...
It said "Parking Fine"
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Genie: What is your final wish? Boy: I wish I were you.
Genue: weurd but alrught.
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What do you call an insect born without a mouth?
A mute ant.
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I asked my wife if I’m the only one she had ever slept with.
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